Monday, 24 September 2012

To which way?

The thing I really like about my family is that we're a really close and very open family (pun intended!) So what I did, just after having dinner, is that I sat down with my mother... and went there. I couldn't think about it and yet not tell my mom. It's just like hiding from her that I got an F in midterms. It's against me to let them suffer even more that they will be suffering. I'm not making sense. I swear to nothing that in my head all these things are making perfect sense. Except you and I don't share the same heads. How unfortunate. Either for you or for me. But it's unfortunate.

Anywho. I went ahead and told her that I'm having a premature--twenty years too early--lady midlife crisis. Then she started freaking out that I'm going to shift courses. And then I internally cried and externally sighed because she wasn't getting my point. You see blog, I'm failing on alot of things and this isn't how I imagined rebolutionizing my life. Although I'm done with my frustrations, I have been questioning my abilities in relevance to nursing. I hate to admit it because I believe I chose this path with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I'm a soph and we've already invested alot of time, money and mental capacity on this. I hate to be reconsidering but I am... partially. I'm confused because although I've imagined myself to be doing different things in my entire course of life (teacher, writer, traveler, astronaut), I did not expect to actually be imagining to be something other than a nurse. So when my mom asked me what I was going to shift to if I don't continue nursing, I was even more confused and frustrated and something else entirely because I don't know.


Sounds family? Yes, it's midlife crisis judging by the symptoms. I've been praying hard about this. It's not easy to have synthesized some epic plan since you were young and lived it out, only to be disrupted by some crazy phenomena of hormones called... midlife crisis (nothing else is close enough).

But in life, there's always going to be an up and a down. And judging by the looks and feel of it, I'm on a down. I'm praying for God's wisdom and carrying in the hope that all this will come to pass quickly. But who knows what the Big Guy up there is planning? This might be something really bad right now but maybe--just maybe--this is actually something really, really good in the making. I have nothing but hope.

7 comments:

  1. Penda, i feel for you man! And i enjoy reading your blogs, it reminds me of the days you told me these things in person. <3

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    1. Ezzy woman! You found my cave. Yeah I have been down and about these past few days, fb visitations are semi restricted. Thank you! That makes one of you. Lol. I miss ranting to you and you to me too. Huhuhu

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    2. I have! Haha im feeling inspired to make a blog of my own xD waah dugay na kaayo ta wala nagstorya :( you beat your own record kay nilampas na 1month imong reply! Huhu i miss you mehn!

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    3. i cant believe my ohsumness for breaking my own record... again. sigh. im so sorry. ill reply sembreak or when all my exams are over i pwomise ! MUAHAAHAHA. oh please do, it's a great way to express yourself! and we can exchange links ! muahahaha.

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  2. tis okay xD now i has your blog to read so that makes up for it! xD lol i'm working on it! still trying to figure out how this thing works.. =_="

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    1. yay blogging! i wish we all had blogs ! hahaha, anyway. i'll be posting random things in a post for you... waits for it.

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    2. lol *is waiting*... wait for mine too! xD haha

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